living me

Hi and assalamualaikum. After long time, I don’t know where all my older posts disappeared.
in this 2019, im 20. i want to thank to all person that made me who i am today
i really miss this blog. this is my only platform to express myself
all my feelings that i put in here
i let myself read. i really want to keep it to myself, so that future me, can read how do i feel

but unfortunately, all the posts are gone. and there are one drafted post,
its me when i was in form 4. i took a course that i don’t even have interest with
 which is accounting

but now here i am
i pursue my diploma in accounting
funny. i wrote about my destiny in that drafted post.
its really become my destiny. its a fate

im living my life. happy. feel reassured. eventhough im still single
im still loving myself here
i had so many broke downs from form 1-3
after ‘that’ person gone. i felt like i can breathe.

however, when he is back. i keep falling in love. for my year, between form 4-5. i think i might have been pausing myself to keep loving him.
i focused on my study.
 i broke up with him with the reason i want him to study and focus
without me being in his way
turn out, he betrayed me. eventhough we’re not in r/ship.
i predict that though. so i dont really wanna care.

but

why do i fall in love to the same person again?

now he’s happy. again. without me
ironically, me, right now still cant forget about him.
im still dont have anyone else. i cant even fall in love,
why do i keep loyal to people who doesn’t?

in this 2019, i wanna fall in love. i wanna be success.
i wanna fall in love, without him.

can i do it?